The "F" and "Ep" Defects (among others)

This story took place in one of the provinces of Mindanao many summers ago. To protect the people involved, their names were changed. (Naks!) However, the actual subject of the story was not.

A multinational corporation that had significant agricultural operations in the area hired my former company to conduct an organization study. The purpose of the study was to streamline the company's organizational structure. The work would involve analyzing the organizational structure that was in place, comparing it against the company's strategic plans, and then recommending a streamlined organizational structure that would help the company attain its strategic goals. Another output the client expected from the project was for the project team to develop the appropriate job descriptions for all job positions under the proposed streamlined organization structure.

A close friend and former co-worker of mine, let's call him Boyet, was assigned to be part of that team. Though only a year out of college, Boyet had quite a bit of experience in organizational studies. For this project, Boyet's particular area of assignment was to develop job descriptions for the various job positions within the company's packaging and distribution processes. In order to develop appropriate and accurate job descriptions, his work required that he interview the incumbent(s) for each position in order to gain a proper understanding of the work and responsibilities for their level. Our company had developed its own methodology for this project and thus, there was a standard list of questions to ask of each incumbent.

So it was that one day, Boyet came to interview Mang Enteng, the head of the Packing Section within the Distribution Department. Mang Enteng was a man in his mid-forties who, at the time of the interview, had already worked for the company for more than 20 years.

Boyet walked into Mang Enteng's small office one afternoon and introduced himself. After a short exchange of pleasantries, they got down to business. The following is how parts of the interview went: (Author's Note: Any observed misspellings from this point forward reflect the way the words were actually pronounced, as per Boyet's memory.)

Boyet: Mr. Enteng, what is your official job title?
Mang Enteng: I am the Head of the Facking Section.

Boyet: Ok. (Notes the job title down while thinking to himself, "Man, this is going to be an interesting session.") Sir, what is your job position's objective?
Mang Enteng: It is to make sure that all our fruits and fruit froducts are froperly focked.

Boyet: What do you call the position title of the people who report directly to you?
Mang Enteng: Facker.

Boyet: Does your position require the operation of any machinery?
Mang Enteng: Yes, I have two fackers who run six fucking machines.

Boyet: (Trying to remain professional) Sir, is your packing process automated or manual?
Mang Enteng: We do some manual fucking too. I have some manual fackers who directly report to me.

Boyet: How many manual packers report to you?
Mang Enteng: I have 10 fackers; pive boys and pibe girls.

Boyet: On the average, how long have they been with the company?
Mang Enteng: They have been facking for 10 years.

Boyet, though real close to cracking up at this point, kept his composure and asked a few more technical questions which Mang Enteng answered to Boyet's satisfaction. Boyet was now ready to wrap up the session.

Boyet: Is there anything else I need to know about your job position or your people?
Mang Enteng: I am so froud of my stafp. They are all bery good fuckers.

With that, Boyet thanked Mang Enteng and took his leave. Upon exiting Mang Enteng's office, Boyet rushed to the nearest Men's Room where he finally cracked up.